Last night I heard from Tim. I was so excited. As much as I get down and sad when I dont hear from him, just hearing his voice and him calling makes me feel so loved and so cared for. I can't wait for him to get back to longview. He will be in longview saturday night. Which means that I will be able to call him sunday. He is playing farmer driving huge tractors and plows. There is something about him that just draves me crazy for him. :)

Work was ok today. Lydia received my two weeks notice. She was sad cause I am leaving. But they all know that I am going onto bigger and better things. :)

Im off to bed. Im tired. Its hot and humid here to.

Yesterday for the first time since we started dated, Tim and I did not call me. I stayed up late in hope that he would call, but I was let down yet again. The last time that we did not talk was back in march/april last year when I did not want to talk to him cause I was scared. We had been talking on and off at that point. We agreed on a weekend for him to come up and visit and hang out. I was excited to get to see him again. However, when he arrived and came to work, I was scared out of my mind. I was cold to him then. When he called the next couple of days, I ignored him. I eventually did call him on his way home. He did not sound happy with me. I then stopped talking to him because I thought he was angry and did not want to talk to me. He tried to email me, and I did answer a few of them. But I never picked up the phone to call him. The only phone call I received from him was letting me know that he received my new phone number. It wasn't till I received a card from him that I realize that he was still there for me. However, when I tried to call him, he did not answer his phone. I thought I lost him. That was only a week and half before we started dating. Since then, we have talked every single day. So yesterday when he did not call, my mind went back to those days.

Mom says that I should not rely on Tim to make me happy and other things that I don't remember exactly. I don't think I do. I just want to talk to him. Its hard to not talk to the one you care for and the one you love. In order for a relationship to grow, you have to have our time. I believe that Tim and I need to have our time in order to grow and get to know each other on a different level. I did know that going into the week that Tim is in Montana that I might not get to talk to him. At first he wanted me to go all week without talking to him. But I threw a fit about that. So he said that he would call when he can. When he said that, I thought that he would call at night before going to bed every night. I did not expect no phone calls on certain days.

Here is another thing that I have written. I hope you enjoy.

What is love?
One can never know what it is
Till it hits them in the face.
The heart goes crazy
When that person is around.
It does summersaults and
Other things that are to hard
To explain, but only that person
Can only understand.

Love is all about sacrificing
Giving of yourself, of your time,
But most of all, you give your dreams up
In order to help the other person
Accomplish their dreams.
Their dreams soon become your dreams.

Love is Patient.
Over looks the bad.
Sees only the good.
Love makes the person
Strive to be the best they can be.


I am excited. Tim and I are working together on another little prose about our lives. He has some wonderful ideas that came from a restless night. I really like hearing his ideas and how to improve when I write about us. However, the only downside is when it comes to my writing is that I have to feel very emotional or care about someone very deeply. That is the only time I can write. Everything I write comes from that. My writing has to deal with what I am going thru. If you ever want to read a story that I am working on let me know and I will send it to you.

It has been a couple of days since Tim left. I know you guys are probably tired of hearing about him. But oh well. He is very important to me and I wish he was back in longview. I also wish that I was in Longview too.

I called the utility company, my land line company to cancel my services. I also put in a change of address in. I am getting more and more excited. I can't believe the day is getting closer to when I get to move. Amidst being excited about moving and being closer to tim, I am scared deep down. Scared that I am not going to be able to get a job. Scared that something will happen to Tim and I. But Tim keeps telling me that I should not be scared about what the future brings. That I should enjoy living in the present. I do enjoy the present to a certain extent. I enjoy my relationship with Tim. But I do not enjoy where I am at and my job. Sometimes looking forward to the future helps me to get through the present. Yeah when Tim does talk he says things that stick out in my mind and I listen. I am trying to stay strong for Tim. I do not know if he notices, but I hope he does.

I am heads over heels for Tim. Everyone probably knows that now and notices things like that. Everyone says the heart grows fonder with distance. I say thats true. Oh it is so true. My heart aches for Tim so much.

As each day passes, the day gets closer for his return to Longview. Each day, I am in a better mood. Not knowing does not help me. By my knowing if he is going to call or not going to call helps me. I have no idea if that makes any sense. But it is true.

I am trying to distract myself from school. I am always thinking of Tim and I can't focus on school. But I want to make him proud of me. So off I go to finish.

day two of tim being in montana. Yeah for him calling me today. i was limited to an hour but still have no idea when I will talk to him again. I am still trying to not get too emotional but it is so hard not to. I miss just being able to pick up the phone when work was bad or im sick and tired of work and springfield. I can't wait to be able to do that again.

The count down of days of work left has started. I can't wait. :)